No. I.  •  Published Fortnightly The Reading Room • Saint Jude’s By Telephone, After Dark
The Band of Hope, Temperance Society

The Saint Jude’s Advertiser

“Life can’t kick the soul out of me.”
This Edition Population 1,460 Price: 2/6
Shale Street • Late Saturday

House Fire on Shale St.; No One Hurt

Residents seen dancing on the lawn as the roof went. The singing, neighbours report, went on well past midnight.

The weatherboard at the end of Shale Street took to fire on Saturday evening, by an account no one present seems able to agree upon. The brigade was not called. By the time the smoke was seen from the bridge, those inside had carried what furniture they could onto the grass and, finding the night warm and the cause already lost, began to dance.

A neighbour, who asked not to be named and then named herself twice, said the house had been “going at it all weekend” and that the fire seemed, if anything, an improvement. No injuries were recorded. The dog was accounted for. A ring, reported stolen some months ago, was seen on a hand in the firelight and remarked upon for the way it still caught the light.

The house stands, half of it. Its occupants have declined the offer of other lodging, on the grounds that they are “so alive,” and that life, in any case, “can’t kick the soul out of” them. A phrase now heard often enough about town that this paper has taken it for a masthead.

Lodged with the Reading Room
The Band of Hope has this fortnight lodged two recordings, taken down from residents and set to music. They may be had by telephone after dark, on the line printed alongside, or applied for by post.
The Saint Jude’s Exchange
Call after dark.
+44 (0)1xxx xxx xxx
The line is open from dusk. The town keeps its own hours.
The Weather
Still.
As Yesterday, As Tomorrow.

From the Minutes

The Society met Thursday. Present: the usual. Apologies: the usual. Moved, that life can’t kick the soul out of us. Carried, without objection, the chair declining to count the vote.

In Memoriam

We record, with the brevity he would have wished, the passing of one resident this fortnight. The population stands accordingly reduced. He left no forwarding address, which surprised no one who knew him.

Mount Nomad

The mountain has not moved. The committee on the matter will reconvene when it does.
Notices & Classifieds
Lost. One dog, brown, answers to Jude though it is not his name. Last seen by the bus stop, waiting, as we all are. Reward: the satisfaction. Apply: the Reading Room.
For Sale. Garage and contents, the garage being the better of the two. No reasonable offer entertained. Ring the exchange after dark.
Wanted. A driver. Must be patient. The successful applicant will be taught nothing, as the position has been vacant 35 years and the post-holder prefers to dance.
Found. A ring. Returns to no one. Still reflects the light. Enquiries to the firelight on Shale St.
Notice. The 6.40 will not run. It has not run for some time. The bench remains, for those who like to wait.
The Band of Hope meets fortnightly and takes no new members, the old ones being unfinished. Testimonies received by post. Songs lodged with the Reading Room.
Property of
the Reading Room
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The Saint Jude’s Advertiser By Telephone, After Dark. Dial the Exchange. By Post. The Reading Room, Saint Jude’s Printed for the Society